


The Bottomless Brunch Incident

by Katie_Dub



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Bartenders, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-26
Updated: 2019-10-26
Packaged: 2021-01-03 21:56:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21186611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katie_Dub/pseuds/Katie_Dub
Summary: There are some things you shouldn’t do while drinking - driving, texting ex boyfriends, carving pumpkins. But Emma Swan was never one for following the rules.





	The Bottomless Brunch Incident

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RecoveringTheSatellites](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecoveringTheSatellites/gifts).

> Hello! Yes, it’s been 84 years and honestly I thought my days of writing CS fic were done, but the words are back so here I am, putting out some Halloween-type fic inspired by my ridiculous life. (No, really.)

“Emma can do that! Emma! EM-MA!” Mary Margaret’s voice rang out across the bar. 

Emma looked up without releasing the straw from her lips, continuing to slurp down her delicious alcoholic beverage of indeterminate origins. She hoped that she had struck that sweet spot between paying just enough attention to satisfy her friend, while also not making it clear to the rest of the room that she was the Emma in question.

“Come here here, Emma!” Mary Margaret had started flailing dramatically. 

Emma sighed, there was nothing for it, she was going to have to go see what she wanted or risk being dragged over there and causing even more of a scene. She stood up, and was a little surprised to discover that the ground seemed to sway beneath her. 

“Woah, who’s playing Inception with the floor?” she muttered to her feet, watching them suspiciously for signs of further unexpected movements and only making a move to her friend when she was satisfied that the ground was definitely upright again.

“What’s up Ms?” she asked, stumbling, but styling it out by leaning against the bar. And if her arms happened to miss the target ever so slightly, no one seemed to notice. At least, no one who would say anything.

“Emma! You’re exactly the person we need! The lovely um -”

“Killian”

“- that’s right, Killian, needs help.”

Emma looked up into the most stunning pair of blue eyes she’d ever seen. They were so rich and intense - like sparkling sapphires and forget-me-nots and the clearest, bluest summer sky all combined - and they were smirking at her in undisguised amusement. 

Oh fuck, she was staring. 

She blinked and concentrated on ignoring the resulting gravity shift in her brain that caused. When she reopened her eyes, she took in the rest of the owner of those eyes. A cocked eyebrow, an amused smirk, black and ginger scruff and mussed up hair that fell into his eyes. 

It was a good look. 

More than good, Emma’s lip curled up in a predatory grin, she licked her lips. She liked what she saw, a whole lot.

“Killian here needs a white in shining armour to help him impress a lady.” Mary Margaret said eagerly, clapping her hand on Emma’s shoulder. Emma’s heart dropped. A lady. Of fucking course the most gorgous man in the bar needs her help to get in some poor soul’s pants. “Killian, this is my dear friend Emma, and she carves the best pumpkin that you will ever have the pleasure of seeing. _In. Your. Life.” _

It took Emma’s brain a minute to process what Mary Margaret had just said. “No, there’s no way for me to make sense of that. What’s happening here?”

“Killian -” Mary Margaret pointed with all the unselfconscious flourish that only the very intoxicated can pull off “- needs you, Emma Swan -” her finger jabbed towards Emma “- to carve him a pumpkin for a lady.”

“Carve your own damn pumpkin,” Emma snarled, feeling a childish urge to pout because Killian was taken.

“I would but -” Killian raised his left arm to indicate the prosthetic he had in place of a hand “- this makes it somewhat tricky.”

_Oh God, I’m an asshole,_ she thought, _refusing to help someone differently abled. _

“Oh - I’m - er, I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, love, you didn’t cut off my hand”

_“Someone cut off your hand?”_ Emma shrieked in alarm, and Killian looked startled.

“Well, they were a surgeon, it wasn’t like Peter Pan chopped it off and fed it to a crocodile,” he said with a laugh.

Emma’s face burned in reply. 

“So anyway, my prosthetic makes pumpkin carving alone somewhat tricky. And my friend Will was supposed to turn up to help, but I forgot that he’s a wanker so that was never going to happen. And I might’ve struggled through, only the bottomless brunches that we offer is so popular that the whole place is packed. So now I need to go to Belle’s literary Halloween party straight from my shift with an ‘epic and on-theme jack o lantern’ that is currently but a sad, humble pumpkin. In short: help me Swan Kenobi, you’re my only hope.”

“Perhaps I should just carve Don’t Panic in large friendly letters?” Emms suggested.

Killian scoffed. “No need for that. I’m a frood who really knows where my towel is.”

Her jaw dropped. “You know Hitchhiker’s Guide?” she gasped.

“I’m a British geek, of course I do, I’d have my geek licence revoked for not know that. It’d be like a Ben Wyatt who couldn’t do sums!”

“It just doesn’t add up?” Emma smirked and Killian grinned in reply. 

“Oh I knew I liked you.”

“What does the lovely Belle like?” Mary Margaret butted in. Emma scowled. Right, there was a lady. “Ooooh Emma, maybe you could do something from Beauty and the Beast? You know, because of the name?”

“That sounds a little complex for me, Ms, um..” Emma said.

“Oh don’t go to any trouble on my account,” Killian said.

“Killian, stop flirting with my customers, and get back to work!”

Killian rolled his eyes, but straightened up, scratching behind his ears which had turned a little red at his boss’ words.

“Just leave it with me,” said Emma confidently, “I’ll wow this Belle for you!”

And she started carving a pumpkin, because what else can you do when you’re drunk and the guy you’re into has the hots for someone else.

🎃🎃🎃

It was probably not the best pumpkin Emma had ever carved. It certainly wasn’t the safest thing she ever did, wielding a sharp knife while so drunk she had to close one eye and squint to see straight. But still, some time later she had produced a Frankenstein’s Monster pumpkin that Mary Margaret squealed “she’ll love it!” over, before turning a colour befitting of said monster. 

In the rush to save both the jack o lantern and the bar floor from the indignity of Mary Margaret’s depositing the contents of her stomach upon them, Emma had to leave without saying goodbye to Killian or hearing his thoughts of her carving.

It was probably for the best.

🎃🎃🎃

Emma had thought that she would be too embarrassed to ever set foot in The Rabbit Hole again after The Bottomless Brunch Disaster. But just three weeks later, she found herself cajoled into going with Ruby to meet a new girl she’d started seeing. Emma left her hair down, letting it fall forward over her face to hide from the shame.

“Emma, come join me!” Ruby called out and Emma looked up to see her sitting at the bar. She shook her head minutely, she couldn’t go sit at the bar, what if Killian were there? She’d be mortified. 

“Swan Kenobi as I live and breathe!”

Emma was fairly certain that her heart stopped in that moment. Just for dramatic effect. Killian was here. Well, there was no point hanging back now she’d been caught.

“Hi Ruby,” she said as she walked up to her friend, “Killian,” she greeted him with a short nod.

Ruby looked back and forward between them. “I didn’t know that you knew each other.”

“Oh we don’t really,” Emma said, “I just carved a pumpkin for him a few weeks ago. How’d that go by the way? Did you win the heart of the princess?”

“Hold up,” said Ruby. “You carved him a pumpkin? How is that sentence meant to make any kind of sense to me?”

“He was trying to impress some girl and Mary Margaret was there, probably handing out hope speeches like Halloween candy, and somehow it was decided that a gorgeous Frankenstein’s Monster pumpkin would be the way to do it.”

“Emma carved that jack o lantern you brought to Belle’s party?” Ruby gasped in delighted shock, while Emma was left reeling by Ruby’s statement.

“You know Belle?” she asked.

“Hi there!” A petite brunette appeared from nowhere, presumably the aforementioned Belle, and she proceeded to give Ruby a kiss.

“Emma, meet Belle, my new girlfriend,” Ruby introduced the newcomer.

It took a long time for the pieces of the puzzle to click into place in Emma’s head, but when they did she was left feeling inexplicable angry with Killian. “I pulled out my best work for nothing?" she snapped at him. 

"I wouldn't say nothing, lass, I did need help with carving a pumpkin for Belle’s party. Your friend got it into her head that men and women can’t be friends or some such nonsense. Honestly, she was drunk and offering me help, I wasn’t trying to trick anyone. And besides that pumpkin brought a very enchanting lady into my life." 

There was someone else now? I mean, the guy was hot, but was she gonna have to fight a crowd to get to him? Not that she was interested of course.. She leaned in with her chin on her hands, attempting to look nonchalant. 

"Another one? Tell me, what's this one like?" 

"She's a tough lass, but with a heart of gold. The kind to take pity on a miserable sod in a bar and try to help him get his happy ending, a real saviour, you know?" Emma's heart beat faster. "And she has the most bewitching green eyes that I could get lost in." She started to smile. “And she’s the best pumpkin carver I ever met and if she’d be up for it, I’d love to get a drink with her sometime.”

“Killian Jones will you stop fucking about and do your damn job!” Killian’s boss had come up behind him, causing him to jump. She stomped off, leaving him and Emma to say their goodbyes.

Thinking quickly, Emma reached over the bar, grabbed him by the shirt and pulled him in for a kiss. It was hot, sweet and far too fast. “You’re on,” she said, releasing him and stepping back from the bar “but let’s go somewhere else next time - and let’s not talk about pumpkins again.”

“As you wish,” came the faintly stunned reply from Killian as she turned and sauntered out of the bar, already looking forward to next time. 

**Author's Note:**

> So... yeah. Don’t drink and carve people, that way leads to madness. What’s the wackiest Halloween-related thing you’ve ever done?


End file.
